“I am suicidal without this therapy.”
I am a trauma survivor. I spent many years recovering from catastrophic events that happened in my adolescence and young adulthood. In the past, I had been diagnosed as having severe PTSD and anxiety disorder. You would not know it to speak with me. Over the years I worked through my issues and developed coping skills and am now successful in my field and have developed rewarding healthy relationships. Menopause threatened to take that away from me. When I was 50 I began to experience anxiety again. Insomnia, which is a trigger for me, became a common occurrence. When this began to affect my quality of life, depression set in. I began to lose my ability to cope with small daily upsets. Working with my GYN office, I tried multiple prescription preparations. The side effects of the FDA-approved medications made it impossible for me to take them. Patches caused migraines, anxiety, and heart palpitations - even at the lowest dose. Oral estrogen caused nausea, insomnia, and extremely sore breasts. Estrogen gel also caused migraines and rapid uncontrolled thoughts. During this period of trial and error, I became depressed and somewhat suicidal. Events of the past that I had worked hard to 'reframe' began resurfacing in a negative light. This was a frightening time for me. I am unable to take antidepressants and have tried many in the course of my life. Best case they were ineffective, worst case the side effects were intolerable. I also did not want to spend my life in a chemical straight jacket experiencing the usual side effects such as loss of sex drive and weight gain. Developing copy skills over time and managing symptoms through counseling and group therapy gave me the relief I needed and the tools necessary to live a rewarding life. Menopause threatened to take this away from me. All my usual methods to deal with stress and past events were no longer working.
I'd like to add at this point that I was initially frightened of compounded hormones. For financial reasons, it made sense to try HRT which would be covered under insurance. When none of the medications worked, out of desperation I tried hormone pellets and other compounded hormones. I was given what is considered a low-dose pellet of estrogen. Within two weeks I began to feel normal. At the end of two months, the depression lifted and I was able to regain the perspective I had lost. It has not been a particularly easy road. I am also unable to take oral progesterone. How this is considered 'safer' by the FDA is beyond me. It's my understanding that this medication causes extreme drowsiness in many women and is unavailable at lower doses. I am currently using compounded progesterone suppositories to protect my uterus. Since testosterone pellets don't come in a small enough dose for me, I use compounded testosterone that keeps my levels within normal range. I have labs drawn multiple times a year.
I am by my own admission a sensitive person. The one size fits all format of allopathic medicine did not work for me. I have no doubt that if these hormones are removed from the market I will face the same suicidal feelings. In essence, this would be akin to being 'victimized' a second time. I will be unable to work and do the things I enjoy in life.
It's truly terrifying to me that this is being considered. Please consider all sides before making your decision. This may mean life or death to many individuals. Our quality of life and our literal lives are in your hands.
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